Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
did i walk over a car last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
