i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
