Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
