Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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