Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I touched a dick in church today
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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