I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
