the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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