Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
