Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
