I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
