found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
