I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
