they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
