She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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