genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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