we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
