I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
