dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
