I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can't motorboat a personality
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
