perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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