Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
