My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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