alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
