you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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