Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
