ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
