i don't like sucking hair
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
