i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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