apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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