I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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