She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
