yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are the jesus of drinking
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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