you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
