how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
