AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
