just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
