I want to stick my p in your. b.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
