fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
