the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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