im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This toilet bowl is my home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
