Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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