i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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