im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
