So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
