I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
