did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
handjob tips. give me some.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
