matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
