Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
