you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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