Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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