she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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