wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
