I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
