I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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