as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my liver is dry heaving
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
