So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
