Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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