don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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