I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
