So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
