so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
