I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My vagina is officially offended.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
