whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
