haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
