I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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