I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
