Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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