We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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