If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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