Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
