She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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