I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
