my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
